Found Unresponsive
American Democracy in Critical Condition?
American Democracy was found unresponsive at home today by emergency officials called to investigate after the patient had been reported by family and friends to be acting irrationally recently. Her collapse was predictable, loved ones say.
The initial diagnosis, after extensive probing, is that American Democracy is suffering from the polarizing effects of Trumpism and Democratic Socialism, two extreme competing conditions that are known to generate severe confusion, disorientation, amnesia, and ultimately mind surrender, among other troubling symptoms.
Invasive attacks from outside American Democracy’s body are the next big threat to the patient’s ability to survive her weakened state, officials say. Once common sense and common determination are compromised foreign intervention in American Democracy’s affairs becomes uncontrollably enticing to other ill-will-wishing infections.
